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5 Tips on How Can You Get Your Family to Accept a Black Boyfriend

5 Tips on How Can You Get Your Family to Accept a Black Boyfriend

When dating, your friends and loved ones must be cool with your choice of partner. But what happens when they are not? You are torn between both parties and might have to choose between them. Most often than not, this happens when your dating partner is of a different race, say black. Perhaps, you met them on any of the popular interracial dating apps or in person? Is there a way to get them on the same page with you? Can you get your family to accept your black boyfriend, and how? This is a guide on winning your parents over to your side.

See Things From Their Perspective

Rather than act on the defensive all the time, try to put yourself in their shoes. The odds are that they want the best for you and are most likely acting based on their experiences while dating as singles. Their concerns about who you choose to date would usually come from the point of concern for your safety and fulfillment in the future. Unless you have undeniable evidence that they are blatantly racist, give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that their advice comes from a good place.

After realizing this and confirming what their fears are, the onus lies on you and your boyfriend to assure them that you two love each other and everything will be fine.

For instance, they might be a little scared that your bf may dump you for a black chic sometime in the future or that black men are known to be promiscuous. Step in and confirm to them that you understand this fear while reassuring them your boo is different. Also, help them know they will accept him if they truly love you.

Highlight Similarities

Sometimes the worry behind interracial relationships is the several parallels between your backgrounds and childhood experiences that have shaped how you view life. However, while dating, you must have spotted some similarities. Help your family members see these similarities rather than the differences between you and the handsome black dude you are dating. For instance, maybe you and your dating partner have the same religious and political ideologies.

Plan Some Get-togethers to Get Your Parents and Partner to Talk

Face-to-face interaction between your parents and partner can turn the tides in your favor. These kinds of gatherings, usually in the form of dinners and parties, do the real talking. They help your family members see your partner for who they are, away from the stereotypes the black race is known for. For instance, seeing your boyfriend on low-cut and clean shaved beards will pull them away from the thought that he might be a gangster or street thug of some sort. They see behind the brick wall and see your black boyfriend’s peculiar personality and character.

Most parents will respond with more openness when they see the dude you always sing to them about.

Consider Getting Help From a Therapist for Interracial Dating

If doing the above-listed hasn’t worked much, you may consider getting a third party involved. This may be a marriage counselor, therapist, or a more informal setting, a trusted family friend. I’d recommend the latter. If you can convince a family friend that your parents trust, you are halfway through getting approval for who you choose to date. They would work to convince your parents that the guy you are dating is the best for you, and racial discrimination shouldn’t get in the way of your happiness.

Be firm

Do not let yourself be bullied into thinking he’s no good for you. Your parents and family members should cave in when they see you are firm and determined about your choice of who to date. After several attempts to dissuade you and your refusal to bulge, they are likely to start seeing the person for who they are, away from the divides of racial lines.


Cheryl Y. Judice, PhD - Researcher on Interracial Relationships

Cheryl holds a Ph.D. in sociology from Northwestern University where she is an adjunct faculty member in the School of Education and Social Policy. She has taught sociology, social psychology, and African American studies at Lake Forest College, Northeastern Illinois University and Northwestern University.


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